Teaching Civility: Written Thank-You Notes - the Lost Art of Appreciation

My Mom has always been a great fan of and producer of thank-you notes. So my personal drive to write thank-you notes comes from her. I also have a neighbor who is a thoughtful-note-writer-extraordinaire that inspires me. But when one of my older sister started having her young toddlers send me endearing scribbles with her note of translation did I understand that this art can and should be taught from the time kids can hold a crayon. It has been fun watching my nieces' and nephews' thank you notes evolve from amoeba-like portraits of us to thoughtful, half-page or more notes of gratitude. Another thing I learned from her example was promptness. Within a few days of the event or the gift-giving occasion, like clockwork there would be a note in the mailbox. Recently we had a family home evening lesson on etiquette and I learned that you should send a thank you note to someone any time they take more than 15 minutes doing something for you. Interesting rule of thumb. I can't say that we've followed that rule religiously. But that's the joy of my adventure called life – always room for improvement.

So here's what I've tried to teach my kids thank-you note-wise:

A handwritten note is always more personal and preferable.

If no mailing address is obtainable, an electronic thank-you is better than none.

If kids are too young to write, have them draw a picture and dictate the thank-you to you. You can then make a small note quoting them.

Be prompt. We try to get them sent within one week of the event. (More time passing means greater probability that I'll forget, or the recipient will feel forgotten)

Be specific. “Thank you for the gift” is hardly thoughtful appreciation. At least 3 lines is a good guide for kids.

Express gratitude for the person, not just the gift. This is one I've not specifically taught my kids yet, but I definitely think it is going to be part of my new thank-you note mantra. (My kids love that! *wry smile*)

Yes, this means that I have to take note at birthday parties of who-gave-what-gift. I also end up putting a note of reminder on my calendar to write thank you notes (Sunday works great for us). But think how easily a nice thank you note in the mail makes your day. Why not pass that along?