Early Mission Return = Unexpected Parental Payday

Wednesday August 29, 2018 was a day I dreaded. When I found out that my son Nate was coming home early from the Mexico MTC, I literally cried so hard that I ended up hyperventilating. I felt like everything I had worked for as a mother and all my hope for my son were crumbling around me and I felt buried in the rubble. Sleep was next to impossible, eating was almost impossible due to a constant nausea from the stress and worry. I almost hesitate to describe my state of mind because my agony was so minor and fleeting compared to the anguish, darkness and despair my son had endured for 4 weeks at the MTC in Mexico. Depression and anxiety had been gradually growing during his time there and became so acute that he had not been sleeping or eating for some time. The call from the MTC felt like being broadsided by a bus. To me, it was unexpected because I had not known much about the gradual onset of my son’s illness. 
At this point you’re probably wondering where the payday part comes in. I’m getting there, I just want to paint an accurate picture of my state of mind. 
At the airport we were worried to see a large group of family and friends waiting for a returning missionary on the same flight as Nate. We had a sign and balloons and our little group of three worried about his fragile state. He came out and we whisked him away and hugged our wonderful but terribly hurting and frightened boy outside the terminal, away from crowds. His sobbing apologies broke my heart. We held on to him and shared our love and support every way we knew how.  The car ride home from the airport allowed him to tell us some of his interesting, humorous and creepy stories (he had been violently ill and quarantined with a stomach virus) and we got to know his district and missionary friends a bit better. He still had no appetite and was unable to eat, so our drive-thru at Chick-Fil-A allowed the rest of us a quick dinner. The closer we got to home, the more anxious and emotional he got. We had tied yellow ribbons on the trees and basketball standard but it was so hard to hear him weeping as he entered the house.  After getting his stuff unloaded in his room, he talked more as he unpacked. Gradually, some more details of his painful experiences surfaced along with some humorous anecdotes. 
We went to the stake center and had a very tender and informative meeting with our loving Stake President and amazing Bishop. Nate shared some of his painful experiences as well as a very powerful testimony. Being released and taking off his tags was excruciating for him, and it tore at my heart as well. 
After returning home, his grandparents and cousin (who is more an older brother) came over and more tears were shed; more love and support expressed. 
Late that night, he shared so many experiences, so many spiritual insights, so many happy memories from his mission experience and it was clear that he had touched and blessed a lot of people in the MTC. On his flight home, using his broken Spanish, he gave away a Book of Mormon to a lady named Otilia. Wow.  To have such commitment to the Lord and his gospel while you are so fearful, stressed and hurting is an amazing example to me.  Using his fun, notebook illustrations, he taught me the plan of salvation in Spanish, and he told me about his experiences with prayer. We had a very late family scripture study where for the first time in recorded Brimhall history, no one griped or complained. When we asked the routine question, “what did you learn?” Nate’s answer was thoughtful and full of testimony.
Watching his sister hug him goodnight and tearfully reiterate her love for him and that is so proud of him made tears of gratitude start flowing again. 
I could never have imagined that what I had envisioned as one of the hardest days of my life would turn out to be such an abundant parental payday. God called Nate to walk this painful, alternate path, and the scars he came home with showed just how much he was willing to endure because of his love for Jesus Christ and his commitment to answer the call to serve. It was a poignant reminder of the Savior's scars as he atoned for not just our sins, but our anguish, pain and despair.  
Regardless of what the future holds, he has earned the words from the Savior: “well done thou good and faithful servant.”  A friend told me to do two things when he came home: love him unconditionally, and recognize the divinity in him. I was overwhelmed by how much love I felt and how much divinity I saw in my boy. I was had worked to prepare myself for how hard it would be, but I was utterly surprised by the joy.
I realize that we are just starting out on an undoubtably rough and long journey, but I needed to recognize God’s hand working such miracles in our son and our family and express gratitude for such a generous and unexpected payday from a loving Father in Heaven, and an infinitely understanding Savior.