Growing a Grinch Heart: The Link Between Suffering and Joy

Lately I’ve been thinking about the link between suffering and joy - and no, I don’t mean a diametrically opposite relationship. A friend of mine shared a couple scriptures from the Book of Mormon that provide some background for my thoughts: 

Alma 31:38 “they should suffer no manner of ​​​afflictions​, save it were swallowed up in the joy of Christ.”

This scripture gives the hope that every sadness will be erased. But there is more - it will be swallowed up in the joy of Christ. That sounds like a lot more joy than just compensating for pain.  Picture rinsing something bad down a sink.  You use enough water to erase the nastiness and then you walk away from a now-clean sink.  If our heartache and pains are rinsed away by the living water of Jesus Christ, this sounds like a lot more living water than just what it takes to rinse sorrow, pain and grief down the sink — it sounds like He fills up the sink, the tub and every water bottle in the house with clean, pure water.  He can and will fill us up to overflowing with His living water.
Every pain, loneliness, heartbreak, disappointment, loss, fear, or dark and ugly experience doesn’t just have the guarantee of being eliminated in eternity, it also carries the promise of more joy. 

Alma 36:20 “And oh, what ​​​joy​, and what marvelous light I did behold; yea, my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain!”

I picture the Grinch whose heart grew three sizes. Every pain, loss, sorrow, failure, and grief stretches our heart. Sometimes that stretching breaks open our hearts, but Christ is able to heal that heart and fill in the broken pieces so that it isn’t just a patchwork version of the original, but a larger heart than we started with. So every time our heart tears a little or cracks wide open with something painful, it is really just expanding the capacity of our hearts to receive even more joy. That is the true link between suffering and joy -- suffering enlarges and guarantees that we will receive more joy to come in the eternities if we allow Jesus Christ to be our Savior and accept the healing made possible through His atonement.

We are promised joy that outweighs every sorrow or pain. In that sense, every ugliness in life isn’t just a learning experience, but also guarantees more joy for us to come. What an amazing hope!  Our experience in mortality may be so difficult and the pain so incessant that may not get much of a glimpse of the joys that awaits us, but God promises us that it is there - growing with every heartache we experience here and now. And God keeps his promises. The payout often doesn’t come in this life, but it comes. “Some blessings come soon, some come late, and some don’t come until heaven, but for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come.”  - Elder Jeffrey R. Holland https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/inspiration/latter-day-saints-channel/blog/post/good-things-to-come?lang=eng

Every negative emotion is temporary, but joy is eternal.  That is the hope guaranteed to all through our Savior Jesus Christ. 

Spiritual Rooting Agents

I am a gardener at heart so when I read Ephesians 3:17 "That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being ​​​rooted​ and ​​​grounded​ in love,"  my mind immediately started down the garden path and I was thinking about rooting plants and using rooting hormones to help establish strong roots from small cuttings. When it comes to rooting agents, there’s the kind you can buy that are essentially auxin-type hormones, and there are the kind you can use from ordinary items you have on hand. These include saliva (weird but true), apple cider vinegar, honey, and cinnamon. While not hormones, they can - through different mechanisms which often involve killing off bad bacteria and acting almost as a cleansing agent - help a plant establish roots and grow.So if I need to be more rooted and grounded in Christ's love, how do I do that and what are my spiritual rooting compounds? Here are a few spiritual equivalents that come to mind for these four ordinary rooting substances. 

My spiritual equivalent of saliva is prayer -- I know this analogy is a bit odd, but bear with me.  Aside from the obvious similarity that word of prayer come from my mouth, it allows me to share part of myself with Heavenly Father and connect me to my Savior. It is how I communicate my true desires and feelings and opens my heart to feel more of Christ’s love. 

Apple cider vinegar’s spiritual equivalent is trials. Yup - ouch!  It’s hard but true. Those sour, bitter experiences can just as easily draw me closer to my Savior if I turn to Him. The sourness of heart break, loss, and disappointment should be a wake up call to remind me to rely more on Christ to carry my burdens. Not my favorite rooting compound, but one that everyone has on hand. 

Honey is the sweetness of gratitude. Just as honey is almost magical in its many abilities to cleanse, purify and nourish, so gratitude does the same things for our spirits. Nothing brings the Holy Ghost more efficiently and quickly than gratitude, and the Holy Ghost is how we feel Christ’s love. So the sweetness of gratitude is an effective spiritual rooting agent indeed.  

Cinnamon is an antiseptic spice that shakes things up and adds flavor and depth. That is why I think the spiritual rooting equivalent to cinnamon is service. Service can definitively shake up our day, make things more memorable, and add a little spice to our lives. Few things soften and open hearts to love more than service. So whether it’s a hint of cinnamon in small acts of service, or some larger doses in more intense service opportunities, serving helps root us in Christ’s love as we become more Christ-like. 

Yes, I have a gardener’s brain and a strange penchant for analogies with ordinary objects. But odd analogies aside, I know I could benefit from more heart-felt prayer, turning to the Savior in my bitter-sour trials, more sweet gratitude, and spicing up my routine with service. And faith tells me that all those spiritual rooting agents will keep me more grounded in Christ’s love. 

Life is an Art Project: a Little Wisdom From Bob Ross

As I was reading 2 Corinthian 12:9, “My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness,” I was trying to figure out just what was meant by this seemingly contradictory statement. I realized that through His atonement, Jesus Christ has the power to heal everything, strengthen everything, overcome everything and complete everything. But in order for his work of healing, strengthening overcoming and completing to be of use and to be recognized, the must be a wound, a weakness, a failing, a lack. Our weakness becomes the ideal canvas for the Savior’s perfect work and strength.  

I think of Bob Ross and one of his favorite lines, “we don’t make mistakes, just happy little accidents.”  And you see him turn every stroke - no matter how wrong it may appear - into a wonderful feature in the painting. If the Lord is the Divine Painter of the canvas of our lives, I don’t think he makes “happy little accidents”.  Instead He may say, “I don’t make mistakes, just happy little adversities” or “happy little weaknesses”.  From the perspective of the canvas it doesn’t feel happy at all - painful is usually a more apt description.  And sometimes, for those watching the painter at work, it may look like a not-so-happy accident. But, the Painter has a plan and a perspective that eventually allows his perfect artistry to transform every drip, scratch, smudge or slash into a complete, amazing and perfect work of art. This life is definitely an art project - I just need to remember to trust the Lord enough to allow Him to work His divine strokes on my canvas. I may feel like an unsalvageable mess - but no one ever is.  Unsalvageable isn't a word in the Savior's vocabulary.  The Lord sees the future masterpiece in each one of us, and He doesn’t make mistakes. The best news is that the Divine Painter is able to transform our mistakes into the happy little features that make our masterpiece unique and perfect. 

Spiritual Gifts and Swim Strokes

Recently, my gospel study has been in 1 Corinthians 12 – the chapter about spiritual gifts.  And after a nice long list of wonderful spiritual attributes, it ends with the command to seek the best gifts.  Modern prophets have also counseled us to actively seek to develop any spiritual gift we lack.  Elder Richard G. Scott said, “Remember that the reason we want to have the stability and strength of the gifts of the Spirit is that we want to weather the storms when they come. We will be tried in this mortal probation. We don’t want to decide to learn how to swim when the boat is already sinking.”

Ok.  Let me stop right there.  I don’t feel like I’m in a boat at all!  I know that M. Russell Ballard gave a great talk about staying in the boat – the good ship Zion.  But let me just say, staying in the gospel of Jesus Christ and remaining active in the restored church – the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints – often feels nothing like being on a cruise, or a ferry, or even a small fishing boat!  A lot of the time, I feel like I’m in the drink and it is one wave crashing over me after another.  It is all I can do to break the surface and catch a breath. And in those times when it does feel calm and I do feel like I’m floating, I’m learning that is very temporary and more waves are headed my way.  The crazy thing is that I have a pretty good life.  Don’t get me wrong - I am blessed in so many ways and often love my life.  But with parenthood (aka lifelong cycle of hope and heartaches), mortal bodies, and a society that is going you-know-where in a handbasket I often feel like it’s all I can do to keep treading water and break the surface for an occasional gulp of air.  

Now is the time I’m supposed to be learning new swim strokes/spiritual gifts???  I think Richard G. Scott’s analogy of the sinking ship is right.  The problem is that the ship sank a while back and the waves keep crashing.  Yes, my testimony and faith are some of the spiritual gifts that keep me kicking to the surface. But honestly, it sounds a bit overwhelmingly unrealistic to take on mastering the butterfly stroke in this water. And the crazy thing is that I sometimes spend my swimming energy on watching others swim deftly and beautifully by with their amazingly strong strokes.  Heck – some even seem to be jetting by on speedboats.  Just ugh.  Honestly, most of those who look to be swimming deftly by probably are in similar circumstances.  I think of the analogy of the duck gliding smoothly by, when below the surface it’s feet are paddling furiously.  We all struggle in ways few know.  I love the “Good Ship Zion” analogy, but right now, it feels a lot more like I need to stay in the “Good Swimming School Zion”.  

As I was reading and making venting-notes in my scriptures on this topic, a few thoughts were whispered to my mind. Maybe the workout I’m getting treading water is preparing my muscles to learn strokes further down the road (or should I say further across the ocean).  Maybe the searing pain of holding my breath before I break the surface is developing the lung-capacity I need to master some awesome swim strokes down the road when I need to make a deep dive.  And maybe – just maybe – my unique style of treading water is a swim stroke/spiritual gift in itself.  Maybe the desire to keep reaching the surface is a swim stroke/spiritual gift.  Maybe working so hard to be the cork when you feel like a sinking rock is a spiritual gift – a valuable and even essential swim stroke in itself.  

Maybe it’s ok to perfect my treading water technique right now and work on my breathing and stop wishing I could skim, dolphin-like through the water with an elegant butterfly stroke.  Maybe reaching out to the Savior in prayer and doing all I can to keep swimming is fulfilling that commandment to seek the best gifts for me in the aquatic circumstances of my here and now.  “Seek ye the best gifts” may just mean “seek to keep swimming and keep breathing.”  

Life’s not a race, it’s an art project.

I have been pondering a lot about an analogy someone shared in church a while back. The details and the identity of the individual that shared it have since eluded me, but the analogy was sort of debunking the notion that this life is a race.
Here’s the gist - what if after running and running and struggling to win a race, you cross the finish-line and someone informs you that it was actually an art project?!

There’s a lot to be learned from statements such as ‘life’s not a sprint, it’s a marathon,’ or other cross-the-finish-line sentiments. But the more I see and learn of life, the less I buy in to the idea that God is watching all his children in one massive track meet trying to sprint, jog, or otherwise win medals and achieve personal bests. Maybe it is because I am not a runner and so the race analogy is somewhat repellant. Perhaps it is because I don’t like the innate competition and comparison in racing. Yes, I know it’s all about your personal best, but let’s be real - they still give out awards or medals for those that finish first.  I just don’t think God ranks his children that way. Sometimes we do get carried away trying hard to race toward some future finish line, when our loving Heavenly Father is gently whispering, “it’s not a race - it’s an art project.”

Here’s some scriptural basis to back this up: 

1 Samuel 16:7 “for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.”
2 Corinthians 5:17 “Therefore if any man ​be​ ​​​in Christ​, ​he is​ a ​​​new​ creature”
Matthew 5:48 “Be​ ye therefore ​​​perfect, even as your ​​​Father​ which is in heaven is ​​​perfect​.  ”

It’s all about becoming, not simply achieving.

And let’s face it, artwork is messy and divine artwork can be painful at times. Corrie Ten Boom would quote a poem about this unique piece of art we are becoming in the Tapestry Poem by an unknown author:“My life is but a weaving
Between my God and me.
I cannot choose the colors
He weaveth steadily.

Oft’ times He weaveth sorrow;
And I in foolish pride
Forget He sees the upper
And I the underside.

Not ’til the loom is silent
And the shuttles cease to fly
Will God unroll the canvas
And reveal the reason why.

The dark threads are as needful
In the weaver’s skillful hand
As the threads of gold and silver
In the pattern He has planned

He knows, He loves, He cares;
Nothing this truth can dim.
He gives the very best to those
Who leave the choice to Him.”
So let the dark pieces reveal, let the kiln burn, let the color splash and mix. Ultimately Jesus Christ is the ultimate artist and when we allow him to work His art in our hearts, that is the whole point of our life. And there is a peace and beauty found in creatively becoming instead of frantically racing with or against those around us. God isn’t trying to push us all toward a finish line. This life is not a race, it’s an art project. 

Giving God a Little Space to Fight

I found myself reading a section in Exodus 14 as I was getting ready to write my weekly letters to my teenagers (I put a mailbox in their rooms and it helps keep me from lecturing to their face quite so much, and since I usually include either a coupon to do one of their chores, or maybe their favorite lip balm or their favorite candy bar, it helps motivate them to read it.) 

Back to Exodus -I have to say that the escape of the children of Israel is one of my favorite stories in the Old Testament.  Talk about a great action adventure! You’ve got children of Israel fleeing for their lives after escaping the bondage of Egypt. They’ve been led and spared in miraculous ways and then . . . this. The soldiers are coming up hard and fast from the rear and in front of them is a seemingly impossible blockage- the Red Sea. I bet they were thinking, “Really?"  "After all this we are to be slaughtered in the middle of nowhere or drowned?” Or maybe, “what kind of a prophet gets us into this kind of death trap situation?”  Here's what it says. in Exodus 14:14-15:

14 The Lord shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace.

15 ¶ And the Lord said unto Moses, Wherefore criest thou unto me? speak unto the children of Israel, that they go forward:

I think I'd probably be hyperventilating right about then and who knows what kind of panicked words would be escaping my mouth.  They were probably vocalizing these fears and doubts as well, since the Lord tells them to "hold their peace" (that is a god-like way of saying, “shut up and stop griping").  

But the promise is that God will fight their battle. All he requires is that they stop complaining and “go forward”.  Of course we know how this story turns out and anxiously await the miraculous finish where they cross on dry ground and their enemy is drowned. But for them, the anxiety of not knowing the end was very real. Still, they chose to obey and go forward following their prophet. 

What are our Red Seas and what enemies is God waiting to fight and eliminate? Perhaps some Red Seas include loss, grief, heartache, illness, disease, divorce, depression or other mental/emotional illness, and all sorts of wrenching-recovery. As a mother, I can guarantee you that some of my Red Seas involve watching my kiddos struggle through some of these issues.  All He needs me to do is to stop griping and whining and “go forward”. Maybe the ground will be dry and easy, and more likely it will be muddy.  Very possibly I will be required to swim or struggle to build a tight-like-a-dish boat to cross the challenging Red Sea in my life that is blocking my progress and happiness.  

The point is that going forward isn't just required, it is a prerequisite for God to fight our battles. We must cross that battle field with faith and move on out of the way so that we allow Him the spiritual space in our hearts to fight our enemies. He couldn’t drown the soldiers if the children of Israel were still hanging around on the shore or dallying in the sea-bed feeling sorry for themselves and their plight. Just as their going forward gave God the physical space to drown the Egyptian soldiers (which I think was His way of giving them a hard reset so they could progress spiritually on the other side of the veil), we need to keep moving forward taking whatever steps of progress lie within our power so that we create the spiritual space for God to fight our enemies.

For me, giving up the tendency to whine and look back with longing at destroyed dreams are some of the hardest ways to give spiritual space as I move forward. Stop griping and follow the prophet - there’s my lesson. It amazes me how God provides so many scriptures with my name on it.  I need to take a lesson and give God some space to fight my battles.  

Gems, Geodes, Oysters and Living in Tiffany's

Sometimes I am reminded of just how blessed I am to live among and interact with some pretty amazing people. Recently I  read the scripture about the day when" God will make up his jewels" (see the full scripture and links below).  And lately I have felt very much like I’m living in a Tiffany & Co. jewelry store for all the jewel-like people in my life. Sometimes in weakness, I get annoyed by that and start to play the negative-comparison game.  But the nice thing about living in Tiffany's that is that the more you are blessed by jewel-like people, the more you see jewel-potential in others. Even harsh, unhappy, or insecure people start to look more like rough oysters hiding pearls or geodes rather than rocks.  
 
I think is why God’s view of us is so reassuring. We may be hung up on the rough, dull, or even sharp exteriors that may never go away during this life as effects from poor choices, addiction, depression or other mental/emotional illness. Some of these often look more like sin or weakness rather than actual illness. All those limitations, flaws and personal issues are just the ugly oyster shell hiding a pearl, or the rather boring or unattractive, outer shell of a geode. And the whole time God has got to be smiling - excited for the big reveal. 
In some cases, people start out and seem to be dazzlingly righteous or spiritual or charitable their whole lives, while others take a while to polish up that shine. Still others won’t be cracked open until the next life when the their physical, mental or emotional limitations are removed. I think God has a special twinkle in his eye waiting for those ones. And truly - everyone has that divinity inside simply by being a child of God. There are no duds or plain rocks or mere gravel. The power of our Savior Jesus Christ and his atonement will eventually reveal our hearts - our inner jewel. Maybe that is why God can smile more and stress a lot less instead of having an eternal anxiety attack. He is just polishing and tumbling his “precious stones” and feeding sand to his oysters. He’s not pulling his hair out wondering what happened to all of his kiddos and why does he seem to have a load of pea gravel instead of the Tiffany store shipment he thought he ordered. Nope. What we may see as a load of plain pebbles, turns out is really a bunch of Tiffany-store-quality jewels going incognito. 
God will not mistakenly throw away a geode simply because it didn’t get cracked open in this life. He’s not going to pass over a pearl because it was trapped inside an oyster for all of mortality. He’s got this and sometimes it would behoove me to remember and acknowledge that - then go out into the world seeing geodes and pearl-percolating oysters instead of gravel and beach detritus. Take a lesson Trish - and remember that just because you don’t see breathtaking amounts of sparkling divinity in someone - including yourself - doesn’t mean it isn’t there. It most likely means that God is planning a pretty spectacular reveal for that person. So handle those oysters and stones with love, respect and kindness. 
I have a family full of jewels and gems and so many supportive neighbors and friends that I consider to be gems - more than my share it seems. But I think we all have more jewels in our lives than we ever suspect. That is the miracle of God's love for his children - once you start wanting to look for it, you find gems everywhere you look - even in those geodes who don't know they are anything but plain, rough rocks.  We are all children of God and that divinity makes us all his jewels.  

Both the Bible and Book of Mormon share God's jewel-like view of his children:  "​And they shall be ​​​mine​, saith the Lord of Hosts, in that day when I ​​​make​ up my jewels; and I will ​​spare them as a man spareth his own son that serveth him." https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/3-ne/24?lang=eng
https://www.lds.org/scriptures/ot/mal/3?lang=eng

I Will: My Happiness Manifesto

Life is hard.  Life can be unhappy.  Life is full of grief and fear and disappointment - often in unpredictable succession. But this is not a post about depression or heartbreak. This is a post about choosing how I will choose to live amid depressing, anxious, or other unstable circumstances.  

As I have been trying to regain my footing after facing some distressing mental/emotional diagnoses in my family, I’ve come to understand the power of one small phrase.  It is essentially all the power I have condensed into 2 words: I will.  I will choose to live happy regardless even if those around me are struggling or suffering or failing to meet my or other’s expectations. That sounds all fine and dandy, but a bit too generic and hypothetical.  So, I’ve whittled it down to some very specific statements I plan on hanging on to for dear life. They are not profound. They are not earth-shattering.  But they are mine - my fight song - my manifesto.  If all I truly possess is my will, then I’d better be serious about I will.  So in no particular order, here goes:

·      I will read interesting books and entertaining books and occasionally very boring books.

·      I will eat fresh peaches in August. 

·      I will plant tomatoes. 

·      I will grow flowers. 

·      I will pull weeds. 

·      I will praise God in private and out loud.

·      I will wear yellow and pink.

·      I will thank. 

·      I will smell flowers. 

·      I will take walks and ride my bike.

·      I will do yoga and I will still do the circuit workouts even if they don’t feel happy and probably only give me the illusion of strength. 

·      I will eat. 

·      I will cook. 

·      I will occasionally host parties with food that makes my mouth water. 

·      I will tell my family I love them.

·      I will brush and floss.

·      I will hug and kiss my family (who will appreciate the bursting and flossing no doubt! 😉).

·      I will write them notes.

·      I will bite my tongue when the need to criticize or correct comes up and I will apologize when I don’t.

·      I will go to book club. 

·      I will go to girls’ nights out.

·      I will watch movies.

·      I will cry.

·      I will make myself smile. 

·      I will listen to music and occasionally burst into dance. 

·      I will play the piano. 

·      I will occasionally play the flute. 

·      I will occasionally travel. 

·      I will quilt. 

·      I will build and plant and grow.

·      I will eat chocolate. 

·      I will attend church. 

·      I will attend the temple. 

·      I will enjoy sleep. 

·      I will express love and support to others. 

·      I will fit puzzles. 

·      I will visit.

·      I will be still. 

·      I will repent.

·      I will work.

·      I will drink in the beauty of sunsets and sunrises.

·      I will clean.

·      I will find reasons to laugh.

·      I will feed my spirit with scripture.

·      I will pray often for others but more often for myself because I need the most work and I’m the only whose will I can change. 

That is my plan for how I will live happy.  Some things may be more frequent flyers than other, but I will work on my will because my will is the only will I have any control over. I thought about making a list of all the things I will not do, but that list is way too difficult, deflating and unrealistic. So instead I will focus on the things that I can do and will do because my happiness is my business and it must - and ultimately can - only come from my will. I will!