Recently, my gospel study has been in 1 Corinthians 12 – the chapter about spiritual gifts. And after a nice long list of wonderful spiritual attributes, it ends with the command to seek the best gifts. Modern prophets have also counseled us to actively seek to develop any spiritual gift we lack. Elder Richard G. Scott said, “Remember that the reason we want to have the stability and strength of the gifts of the Spirit is that we want to weather the storms when they come. We will be tried in this mortal probation. We don’t want to decide to learn how to swim when the boat is already sinking.”
Ok. Let me stop right there. I don’t feel like I’m in a boat at all! I know that M. Russell Ballard gave a great talk about staying in the boat – the good ship Zion. But let me just say, staying in the gospel of Jesus Christ and remaining active in the restored church – the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints – often feels nothing like being on a cruise, or a ferry, or even a small fishing boat! A lot of the time, I feel like I’m in the drink and it is one wave crashing over me after another. It is all I can do to break the surface and catch a breath. And in those times when it does feel calm and I do feel like I’m floating, I’m learning that is very temporary and more waves are headed my way. The crazy thing is that I have a pretty good life. Don’t get me wrong - I am blessed in so many ways and often love my life. But with parenthood (aka lifelong cycle of hope and heartaches), mortal bodies, and a society that is going you-know-where in a handbasket I often feel like it’s all I can do to keep treading water and break the surface for an occasional gulp of air.
Now is the time I’m supposed to be learning new swim strokes/spiritual gifts??? I think Richard G. Scott’s analogy of the sinking ship is right. The problem is that the ship sank a while back and the waves keep crashing. Yes, my testimony and faith are some of the spiritual gifts that keep me kicking to the surface. But honestly, it sounds a bit overwhelmingly unrealistic to take on mastering the butterfly stroke in this water. And the crazy thing is that I sometimes spend my swimming energy on watching others swim deftly and beautifully by with their amazingly strong strokes. Heck – some even seem to be jetting by on speedboats. Just ugh. Honestly, most of those who look to be swimming deftly by probably are in similar circumstances. I think of the analogy of the duck gliding smoothly by, when below the surface it’s feet are paddling furiously. We all struggle in ways few know. I love the “Good Ship Zion” analogy, but right now, it feels a lot more like I need to stay in the “Good Swimming School Zion”.
As I was reading and making venting-notes in my scriptures on this topic, a few thoughts were whispered to my mind. Maybe the workout I’m getting treading water is preparing my muscles to learn strokes further down the road (or should I say further across the ocean). Maybe the searing pain of holding my breath before I break the surface is developing the lung-capacity I need to master some awesome swim strokes down the road when I need to make a deep dive. And maybe – just maybe – my unique style of treading water is a swim stroke/spiritual gift in itself. Maybe the desire to keep reaching the surface is a swim stroke/spiritual gift. Maybe working so hard to be the cork when you feel like a sinking rock is a spiritual gift – a valuable and even essential swim stroke in itself.
Maybe it’s ok to perfect my treading water technique right now and work on my breathing and stop wishing I could skim, dolphin-like through the water with an elegant butterfly stroke. Maybe reaching out to the Savior in prayer and doing all I can to keep swimming is fulfilling that commandment to seek the best gifts for me in the aquatic circumstances of my here and now. “Seek ye the best gifts” may just mean “seek to keep swimming and keep breathing.”
