Life is hard. Life can be unhappy. Life is full of grief and fear and disappointment - often in unpredictable succession. But this is not a post about depression or heartbreak. This is a post about choosing how I will choose to live amid depressing, anxious, or other unstable circumstances.
As I have been trying to regain my footing after facing some distressing mental/emotional diagnoses in my family, I’ve come to understand the power of one small phrase. It is essentially all the power I have condensed into 2 words: I will. I will choose to live happy regardless even if those around me are struggling or suffering or failing to meet my or other’s expectations. That sounds all fine and dandy, but a bit too generic and hypothetical. So, I’ve whittled it down to some very specific statements I plan on hanging on to for dear life. They are not profound. They are not earth-shattering. But they are mine - my fight song - my manifesto. If all I truly possess is my will, then I’d better be serious about I will. So in no particular order, here goes:
· I will read interesting books and entertaining books and occasionally very boring books.
· I will eat fresh peaches in August.
· I will plant tomatoes.
· I will grow flowers.
· I will pull weeds.
· I will praise God in private and out loud.
· I will wear yellow and pink.
· I will thank.
· I will smell flowers.
· I will take walks and ride my bike.
· I will do yoga and I will still do the circuit workouts even if they don’t feel happy and probably only give me the illusion of strength.
· I will eat.
· I will cook.
· I will occasionally host parties with food that makes my mouth water.
· I will tell my family I love them.
· I will brush and floss.
· I will hug and kiss my family (who will appreciate the bursting and flossing no doubt! 😉).
· I will write them notes.
· I will bite my tongue when the need to criticize or correct comes up and I will apologize when I don’t.
· I will go to book club.
· I will go to girls’ nights out.
· I will watch movies.
· I will cry.
· I will make myself smile.
· I will listen to music and occasionally burst into dance.
· I will play the piano.
· I will occasionally play the flute.
· I will occasionally travel.
· I will quilt.
· I will build and plant and grow.
· I will eat chocolate.
· I will attend church.
· I will attend the temple.
· I will enjoy sleep.
· I will express love and support to others.
· I will fit puzzles.
· I will visit.
· I will be still.
· I will repent.
· I will work.
· I will drink in the beauty of sunsets and sunrises.
· I will clean.
· I will find reasons to laugh.
· I will feed my spirit with scripture.
· I will pray often for others but more often for myself because I need the most work and I’m the only whose will I can change.
That is my plan for how I will live happy. Some things may be more frequent flyers than other, but I will work on my will because my will is the only will I have any control over. I thought about making a list of all the things I will not do, but that list is way too difficult, deflating and unrealistic. So instead I will focus on the things that I can do and will do because my happiness is my business and it must - and ultimately can - only come from my will. I will!
